The night to end all nights

All those trips down the memory road,
Walks down guilt lanes
is making me sick;
infecting my cells one by one.

Like a living plague walking on Earth,
tainting its way everywhere I go.
The roses withered;
nature's dying on my path.

Oh, why can't you see it now?
Don't you realise what it feels like,
When all you once matter
no longer does anymore ?

Those decaying maidens surrounding me,
urging me to give in.
Why work so hard they say?
Eventually everything returns to the ashes.

But you pushed me to my edge,
hoping to see me throwing myself in the bonfire,
and getting myself killed in it.
So you don't have to do it yourself.

Yet I disappoint you.
Getting up once again,
from my chaos to my grace,
rising against my enemy face to face.

Throw everything you have at me,
those endless nights,
memory trips, guilt lanes;
sorrows enough to pass around twice.

I will take it all.
Go through them carefully,
making sure I don't repeat it again.
So I may rise above it all.

The wind gently whisper in my ears,
numbing them in cold,
singing me a song of misery.
One that broke my spirits to fight.

As the nights grew darker.
I asked myself.
Is this what you pushed me to
becoming who I hate the most?

Testing how far I will go?
Which line I will cross;
how long and
how much more?

Just to get this self-righteous justice
I seek?
For tonight is the night
The night to end all nights.

For there's just you and me.

Like how you like it.
How you dreamt of it.
So let's do this now,
shadows of my past.

For I have long been fatigue
and needed a good reason
to close those eyes for good;
or for your good.



Note: This is a long one. For one of the darkest night I had. "I'm always my worst enemy, there can be none others." And btw , the other part of this is in Min's site. We sort of agree on a collaboration during our last interview.